|Image: 'Kathy' by Melinda Blair Paterson|
Hi All... It's been a few weeks since I last posted. I seem to have been in a space of 'not sure what to say!' I've wanted to talk about my friend, Kathy, but am not sure where to start or what to say or not say. I certainly do not wish to offend Kathy, or say anything that is inappropriate, afterall she is a very dear friend and quite a private person. You may have read in prior posts my referring to 'my awake friend'. Well it seems time to come clean, cause talking about or writing the words 'my awake friend' just feels like a bit of a wank really.
Kathy is someone that came into my life a few years ago. We regularly bumped into each other at spritual gatherings and on the streets of Byron Bay when she was visiting. We would go and have a cuppa together and I would listen as she began telling me about consciousness... or awareness... or whatever you want to call it. I didn't even know the term 'non duality' back then. I really tried to understand what she was talking about, but I was very much into the Law of Attraction teachings at the time and living the dream! Needless to say, I was totally into controlling the mind and not really able to crasp what on earth she was talking about as it was definitely not from the mind!
I would go away feeling exhausted, 'brain fry', as I call it, and yet always came back for more. These spontaneous meetings happened on and off over a couple of years until Kathy and her partner came to live in Byron Bay.... that's when things really started to hot up for me regarding 'non duality'. It was like I had been wandering in the desert of new ageism and spirituality for years, only to finally find a river from which I could drink, and drink I did. I couldn't get enough at first. I just wanted to hang out with Kathy every opportunity I could, ask questions... and I had lots of questions; gain glimpses (or so it seemed), and slowly, ever so slowly, begin to notice changes within myself.
It's been twelve months now and I've loved being around Kathy... and I've hated it. I've seen myself drink from the river until I could take no more only to scream within 'No, I don't want to hear another word!' Kathy knows this of course. She senses my resistence every time, and every time it is excruciating... the resistence I mean... and then it passes.
After awhile new friends met Kathy and my one-on-ones became groups of people all hungry for the same. All hungry to know the truth and wake up. So I learnt to let go of my personal time with Kathy and watched as others drank in the energy, ask the questions and made the quiet shifts within.
I had the priviledge of spending a day with Kathy last week. I offered to help her move house. It was like our early days together. Pretty much from the moment I walked in the door it was on... we were talking awareness... well let me clarify... Kathy was talking from awareness... I was listening and asking my usual mindy questions... but it was a great day. We'd move a few boxes, take a load to the next house, sit down for a cuppa, talk for an hour or so and then do another load, then it was time to eat... more talk, then another load etc. The day just effortless passed and the moving somehow happened within it. We even had time to explore the property, check out the new gardens, vegie patch and local creek. It was amazing. I felt so alive the whole time... and in so much love. You see that's Kathy... the presence of Love.
My perception and experience of Kathy is she is a very ordinary person. She has no need to teach and yet when we get together I am so grateful that she spontaneously lets it flow from her like a river. It's effortless. Of course, after spending the day with Kathy I came home... and Yep... you guested it... 'brain fry' big time. It sometimes feels like I've been run over by a Mac truck... and there is not a lot to say... in fact I find there is nothing to say... and that's great.
So where a couple of weeks ago I was screaming 'No, I don't want to hear anymore'... in this moment...my heart is open, I feel rested and relaxed, and watching... yes lots of watching... and welcoming it all... and just being. There seems to be an increase of compassion for others, a willingness to feel my aloneness, and a deeper sense of trust in life. I'm very grateful Kathy is in my life. I'm very grateful that the 'thing' that is undoing me continues to draw me to Kathy and the presence of Love in her, and others like her. As Kathy would say... it's just Love drawn towards Love. I suppose that means the Love in me also. M x