Monday, September 24, 2012

Kathy

Image: 'Kathy'  by Melinda Blair Paterson

Hi All... It's been a few weeks since I last posted. I seem to have been in a space of 'not sure what to say!' I've wanted to talk about my friend, Kathy, but am not sure where to start or what to say or not say. I certainly do not wish to offend Kathy, or say anything that is inappropriate, afterall she is a very dear friend and quite a private person. You may have read in prior posts my referring to 'my awake friend'. Well it seems time to come clean, cause talking about or writing the words 'my awake friend' just feels like a bit of a wank really.

Kathy is someone that came into my life a few years ago. We regularly bumped into each other at spritual gatherings and on the streets of Byron Bay when she was visiting. We would go and have a cuppa together and I would listen as she began telling me about consciousness... or awareness... or whatever you want to call it. I didn't even know the term 'non duality' back then.  I really tried to understand what she was talking about, but I was very much into the Law of Attraction teachings at the time and living the dream! Needless to say, I was totally into controlling the mind and not really able to crasp what on earth she was talking about as it was definitely not from the mind!

I would go away feeling exhausted, 'brain fry', as I call it, and yet always came back for more. These spontaneous meetings happened on and off over a couple of years until Kathy and her partner came to live in Byron Bay.... that's when things really started to hot up for me regarding 'non duality'. It was like I had been wandering in the desert of new ageism and spirituality for years, only to finally find a river from which I could drink, and drink I did. I couldn't get enough at first. I just wanted to hang out with Kathy every opportunity I could, ask questions... and I had lots of questions;  gain glimpses (or so it seemed), and  slowly, ever so slowly, begin to notice changes within myself.

It's been twelve months now and I've loved being around Kathy... and I've hated it. I've seen myself drink from the river until I could take no more only to scream within 'No, I don't want to hear another word!' Kathy knows this of course. She senses my resistence every time, and every time it is excruciating... the resistence I mean... and then it passes.

After awhile new friends met Kathy and my one-on-ones became groups of people all hungry for the same. All hungry to know the truth and wake up. So I learnt to let go of my personal time with Kathy and watched as others drank in the energy, ask the questions and made the quiet shifts within.

I had the priviledge of spending a day with Kathy last week. I offered to help her move house. It was like our early days together.  Pretty much from the moment I walked in the door it was on... we were talking awareness... well let me clarify... Kathy was talking from awareness... I was listening and asking my usual mindy questions... but it was a great day. We'd move a few boxes, take a load to the next house, sit down for a cuppa, talk for an hour or so and then do another load, then it was time to eat... more talk, then another load etc. The day just effortless passed and the moving somehow happened within it. We even had time to explore the property, check out the new gardens, vegie patch and local creek. It was amazing. I felt so alive the whole time... and in so much love. You see that's Kathy... the presence of Love.

My perception and experience of Kathy is she is a very ordinary person. She has no need to teach and yet when we get together I am so grateful that she spontaneously lets it flow from her like a river. It's effortless. Of course, after spending the day with Kathy I came home... and Yep... you guested it... 'brain fry' big time.  It sometimes feels like I've been run over by a Mac truck... and there is not a lot to say... in fact I find there is nothing to say... and that's great.

So where a couple of weeks ago I was screaming 'No, I don't want to hear anymore'... in this moment...my heart is open, I feel rested and relaxed, and watching... yes lots of watching... and welcoming it all... and just being. There seems to be an increase of compassion for others, a willingness to feel my aloneness, and a deeper sense of trust in life. I'm very grateful Kathy is in my life. I'm very grateful that the 'thing' that is undoing me continues to draw me to Kathy and the presence of Love in her, and others like her. As Kathy would say... it's just Love drawn towards Love. I suppose that means the Love in me also. M x


Sunday, September 9, 2012

The Verandah Report

Image:  Podie in my world... by MBPblue

Sitting here on my verandah this morning I notice the cows are visiting again. They are not always in the paddock next to my cabin,  being moved around the property for availability of feed, and it's always a delight when they pop back into my daily life. It's spring here in Australia and all the little podies (calves) are popping out and joining my world. It's such a child like thrill to see them running around the paddock, flexing their young limbs, playing with each other until it's time to find Mum for a drink. I watch during the day as the herd comes and goes from my view. They seem to have a natural rhythm for moving from one end of the paddock to the other. My end seems to be a favourite for late afternoon munchings, and sometimes late night rubbings up against the verandah posts or chewing on my blinds... both of which will have me stomping outside letting them know this is not welcome behaviour. Vandalistic cows are not ok!... and of course the podies are the worst. As they mature they are just like rebellious teenagers and take little notice of my shooing or stomping. Over the years I've surrendered more... less shooing and stomping... more 'oh well, the cow is just being a cow, and that's how it is.' It's become more like... I'm the visitor in their world.

Animals, birds, nature in general are a wonderful reminder of that. Living close to nature as I do, I am constantly bought back to the moment of now as I observe the flight and song of a bird, the silent passing of a cloud or butterfly, and the brief scent of blossom or the gentle rustle of leaves brought by the wind. Of course there are many such moments, in fact, they are endless. It is something I find nature gently reminds me... again and again. It's all endless... or as Jackie O'Keeffe says... just movements taking place in form.

I was reading her book 'Born to be Free' this morning, and in the chapter 'effortless' she writes:  Let what is moving, move; without your interest, thoughts pass by. Pay no attention to them and, in doing so, your actions will leave no trace of a personal agenda... All that has form happens within that which is... Thus, one can only be part of the unfolding of consciousness, whether living from the natural state or living a personal life.'

I've been pondering this idea for a week now. The idea that whether someone is so called 'awake' or not, aware of their natural state or not, doesn't matter because we are all consciousness... just movements taking place in form. I've felt a relaxing and a letting go, a sense that it doesn't matter what my so called status of awareness may be... or not. Phew! That's a relief. I think I'll just go grab another cuppa on the verandah and watch the cows moooove!  M x